Hi there! I love your blog. I have a curiosity more than an issue. Just some background information, I’m female and out to my mom as genderqueer but not my dad, who blames all my quirks on my PTSD. My question is this: Is there some reason my parents might fluctuate in their support? Is it at least normal/common? Recently my dad has started being more accepting, which is great (he’s very conservative), but now my mom thinks I’m some sort of freak when at first she was just confused.
TL;DRs by request (I’m very talky!): Yes, it’s normal.
Hi! I’m so excited to meet you - I have PTSD too, and my parents have been much the same.
It’s normal, from what I can tell. Societal attitudes toward mental illness (especially since you’re female-assigned-at-birth and presumably young with what is commonly known as a war veteran’s condition) are not the best, and parents of people with such often swing between “my child is totally normal and nothing is wrong with them, they just need to buck up and work harder” through to “everything is because of mental illness”. With my brother, and to a lesser extent myself, my parents went from “autism isn’t a real condition” allll the way through to “lol you are so autistic, all the little things you do”.
With regard to the sexual/gender/relationship-minority stuff though, it’s very common for parents to have a gut response to their kids telling them this. Sometimes it’s “get out of my house”, sometimes it’s “I love you always”, and very very often as they think over it and maybe do some reading (if you’re lucky, from non-bigoted texts) their opinion changes or at least becomes deeper and more nuanced. Also, time does change it. Some parents eventually get used to having a not-the-norm (be it sexuality/mental/gender-wise) child. Some parents just get more and more bitter over time.
I don’t know if that’s helpful at all, but seriously, good luck. Being a gender minority with a mental condition is not easy, and I hope you are able to navigate it wisely and with all the support you need around you.
PTSD and genderfluidity in one ask - I had to answer it! For those of you who haven’t seen the genderfluidity blog before, it’s a lovely space, and worth following if you’re interested. (Disclaimer: I am, obviously, a moderator.)
argh wrong blog again